It’s everything California should have been: Palm trees that don’t have to be imported, endless fields of Bermuda grass, ever expanding gun rights, no income tax, and stand your ground laws that will certainly make your year, await you here in the Sunshine state. With the lowest tax burden per capita and most expansive self-defense laws in the US, anyone who knows me personally knows this is the place for me. However, I only moved here around a year ago now. I’m a Midwestern refugee of sorts, resulting from the government lock-downs.
As everything was repeatedly mushroom stamped with a steel dildo by Governor Holcomb himself dried up in the Ol’ Hoosier state, I left with my family to Florida. I would have honestly been receptive to a wide variety of states. I was looking for a real fresh start after small town Indiana, I’d gotten out of the Marine Corps and moved back in with my family a year or so prior. (Biting the Bullet, if you’re reading this, this was before you told all of us specifically not to, I take zero accountability).
Life was okay, I was freshly single, I had no obligations, but I also had no direction or excitement towards life like I had before. A decent job, higher paying than anything I’d had before by quite a large margin, but I hated it. I called in one night, quit, and shoved my life into the back of my car one more time.
I embarked on my new life here, and I’ve gotta say, it’s everything I needed. I’ll save you the rest of the article here and tell you this: If you’re older, have found someone/looking for someone and are attempting to settle down, there’s certainly spots here, but I can’t in good conscious recommend Florida. Maybe something more like Tennessee, or my personal dream, Wyoming, is more up your alley in that situation.
However, if you’re in your early 20’s, renowned shit-bird extraordinaire, a fan of any stimulant from coffee to cocaine, have a proclivity towards an almost crack baby level of adrenaline-seeking, and are interested in living in a place where everyone you run into is a character of their own? (Think Fallout: New Vegas, but with some sun.) Big yes, two thumbs up, hit me up and we’ll hit the sleaziest places from Tampa to Miami.
I could tell you about the party scene, I could tell you about the $1 trillion dollar economy (4th highest state GDP in the nation), how big and rural it really is, I could even tell you shark facts. Instead, let’s nix New Smyrna beach (I prefer to keep my limbs), and get into the culture of Florida.
Broken down to our core level, as liberty-minded folk, we’re outcasts. This ideology was not taught in school, and I’m willing to bet that franchise church in Middle America didn’t teach you weapons and tactics (though they could have afforded it). You caught a clip of Ron Paul or another idol among libertarians and the like, and you plunged down the rabbit hole full speed. Personally, it was Alex Jones’ interview with Piers Morgan that started it, but that’s a story for another time. All that being said, we’re all here because we’re young, we’re weird, and the world is engulfed in chaos and flames. Wouldn’t it be great if there was a warm locale that embodied this pace of living and attracted people of the same mentality?
Then along came Florida.
Florida is the land of outcasts. Ranging from retirees who’s kids happily dropped them off in Lakeland hoping to never see them again, to Vietnam vets living in a dilapidated Everglades shack away from society. I’ve met swaths of true to life Confederate-flag-toting deep-south rednecks, plain-clothes detectives shutting down an illegal gambling joint, drug dealers running their game in the open out of a picnic table in the lawless side of town, Scientologists, you name it. To my amazement, somehow even the Amish have managed to endure the Florida heat, and there’s a lot more schizophrenics just running around society than you’d be comfortable with. As someone who doesn’t believe a government has a need to exist in any capacity, I fit right in here, actually.
Culturally, this place is an Agorist’s wet dream. The speed limit is truly a suggestion, so are most laws, by the way. Don’t let Grady Judd fool you, diligent as he may be, Florida is a very black-market oriented place. I can’t walk down the street without someone trying to sell me something I wouldn’t smoke, snort, or shoot up with your body, let alone mine. Want some prepping buddies? Hurricanes have made a whole state of preppers. While a lot of gun owners in Florida happen to be NRA card carrying Fudds, a large rising minority of young GOA breed gun owners are quickly replacing that, and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed most gun shows I’ve been to here.
Speaking of gun shows, and commerce at large, Florida is an amazing place to do business. Forgetting government, it still serves as an extremely valuable import location. As cars don’t rust, and major ports are littered across the state’s coasts, the car scene here has always been amazing. Imported guns? Easier to get here than most other places in the US, as most guns come in through the east coast, and to my knowledge, Florida doesn’t cuck them upon arrival, unlike other (north) east coast states. As I mentioned above, lowest tax burden per capita in the U.S., making for an absolutely amazing place to be next extortion season. The state operates on a shoestring budget that depends on the success of the state’s economy, as income tax is unconstitutional according to the Florida State Constitution.
It does not come without it’s flaws, however. Licensing fees are a consideration for anyone who’s looking to get into a number of fields within the state, unfortunately. Open carry is also illegal except for limited circumstances outside of security/law enforcement work. There’s a hidden “Sunshine tax” (Expect a pay-cut in a lot of professions due to no income tax, and possibly lower demand). The heat is, well, it’s hot. Drink water. Hurricanes are technically a negative, but I see it as a win for Florida people, as it is an excuse to get drunk.
It’s a strange state, however, they do seem to care about their freedom here, as well as generally accepting each other's differences. People live and let live well enough, as long as you’re not a drive-thru worker you should be fine. (I was for a few months, worst thing that happened was I thought this one meth head would bust in and try to kill me, as he was a schizo himself. Once again, story for another time). I’ve met some absolute characters here, and it’s a hard state to be bored in and I’ll certainly be writing more on my new home.
First tip if you do move out here: don’t get too close to the gators, those deadly prehistoric monsters of history move quick. Stay safe out there ladies and gents.